Where the heart is
August 24, 2017 | August 24, 2017 | 0 comment(s)
I am never really away from home. The furthest I've been was for university. Of course the first week or even month was hard. There were times when I felt like going home when things got out of hand. But soon, adaptation took place and I got better.
I don't really think that's what homesickness really feels like. Because no matter how miserable I was, it's still with the thought of "I can still go home", " I just need to survive for this certain amount of time before going home" The distance is still reachable. That's what keeps me going. Therefore, I was fine for most of the time and never really experienced homesickness.
I'm in the middle of sorting things out for my upcoming semester and if everything goes well and approved I would complete my final year abroad. Of course I am excited but I get anxious at the same time. I think that is when I would really discover the true definition of homesickness.
When I said I would miss home, it's not the physical thing as in the house I would miss. It's what makes home, home. It's the people that you love and treasure. You see, we grow and get older each day and so do people we love. It's not because I am spoiled, or weak but I have to admit I get worried. Not exactly on things that might happen but the thought of not able to be there if anything happens.
For what I have never experienced, I think homesickness is when you wish you were there when you see pictures of people you love, it involves constant reassurance that everything will be fine, it's with the regret on things you have taken for granted, it's wondering whether you should keep going or give up, it's the matter of comparing everything with what at home. It's the struggle to make things feel like home when it's not,
I guess that's what I would experience. If I would like to list out everything, I could keep going. And it would only get me more and more anxious. But through it all, no matter how much I get worried, none of them is within my ability to control. The only thing I am able to rule is my reaction towards it. I think writing about it is one of the ways to cope with the upcoming challenges and honestly I already feel better after writing this. I shall write another version of this post when I'm there.
Home is where the heart is, so I shall survive to be home again.