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The door
February 3, 2018 | February 03, 2018 | 0 comment(s)

Image result for waiting anime gif

This feeling. It feels like being outside a room, right in front of an unlocked door. One hand is reaching the knob, but I just could not bring myself to open it. 

And because the hand has been there for quite a while, it gets tired. Letting a small sigh, I reluctantly lower it down. 

I tried knocking, making occasional sound to send a message that there's a person outside -- But just like last time and every single time, there's no answer. It leaves me uneasy. Were the knocks too slow that they could not be heard? Or were they intentionally ignored? Did the person inside despise me as a guest, or waiting for the door to be opened?

It's a door, not a see through pane, nor a window. Not a long stare, let alone a glance could figure out what lies on the other side. Is the door meant for an entrance or is it an exit?

I guess I am too afraid. I'm afraid of what's waiting on the other side. I am afraid of whether I am ready to accept any possible outcomes, of what would greet me from behind. Because once it's opened, a lot would change.

Knowing that I would never have enough strength to open the door right now, all I could cling onto is just a hope -- for the door to be at least slightly opened from the inside. It does not have to be wide, a slight one would do. A slight one would be enough, that is, if the outside was so dark, it would appear as if there's a line of light emitted from the inside. That would be more than enough. For at least I can take a peek and decide. Of whether I should stay or walk away.

Right now, all I could afford is to wait outside, staring blankly at the door, probably waiting for a new courage. This hand is reaching the knob a few times, I just need some faith to give it a turn. Or maybe I'll just wait. At least until I found enough reasons and strength to walk away, accepting that the door is  not meant to be opened by me.

Right now. That is how it feels like.

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